There is a layer of grief that many people never expect.
It is not only the grief of losing someone you love.
It is the grief of grieving itself.
There comes a day when you realize how much grief has changed you. You notice that you do not have the same energy. Your laughter feels different. Your routines have changed. Your heart has become more cautious. Even your body seems tired from carrying emotions that few people can see.
Then another feeling quietly enters your heart.
You begin to grieve the fact that you are grieving.
You may find yourself thinking,
“I miss who I used to be.”
“I miss how life felt before loss.”
“I miss waking up without this heaviness.”
“I am tired of carrying this sorrow.”
These thoughts do not mean you are weak.
They mean you have been carrying a heavy burden.
Grief is exhausting.
It affects your mind.
It affects your emotions.
It affects your relationships.
It affects your concentration.
It affects your body.
It affects your spirit.
Sometimes the greatest loss you feel is not only the person who died.
It is the version of yourself that existed before the loss.
You remember who you were.
More carefree.
More spontaneous.
More confident.
More emotionally available.
Then grief entered your life.
And suddenly everything changed.
There is nothing wrong with mourning that change.
It is okay to grieve your own grief.
It is okay to acknowledge that this journey has been difficult.
It is okay to admit that you are weary.
It is okay to say,
“I wish this had never happened.”
Healing does not require pretending that grief has been easy.
Healing begins with honesty.
When you allow yourself to grieve your grief, something remarkable happens.
You stop fighting yourself.
You stop criticizing your emotions.
You stop believing you should have “been over it” by now.
Instead, you begin extending to yourself the same compassion you would offer someone else.
The bridge in Beauty in the Breaking reminds us that healing is not simply crossing from sorrow to joy.
It is learning to stand in the middle of the bridge with grace for yourself.
The waters beneath continue to move.
Some days they are calm.
Some days they are turbulent.
But the bridge remains.
So do you.
You are still here.
You are still breathing.
You are still loving.
You are still healing.
Even on the days when healing feels slow.
One day you will look back and realize that you not only survived your loss…
You survived grieving your grief.
That, too, is part of your story.
That, too, deserves compassion.
And that, too, deserves healing.
So today, give yourself permission.
Permission to rest.
Permission to cry.
Permission to smile.
Permission to heal at your own pace.
Because it is okay…
To grieve that you are grieving.
Selah Moment with Dr. Althea Winifred.
