There are losses that don’t just change your circumstances—they change you. Grief, in its deepest form, is not only about mourning what was lost but about grappling with who you are now in the absence of what once defined you.
When a loved one dies, when a relationship ends, when a role is stripped away—something more than the external disappears. A version of you is buried in that moment. The one who was a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a best friend, a caretaker, a dreamer. When the connection is severed, so is the part of you that was intertwined with that identity.
And what remains? A silence. A blank canvas. An unfamiliar version of yourself trying to emerge from the ashes.
The Crisis Within the Loss
Grief doesn’t just break your heart—it fractures your sense of self. You may find yourself asking:
Who am I now that they are gone? What is my purpose without that relationship, that dream, that title? How do I show up in the world when I no longer recognize myself?
These are not shallow questions. They are soul-deep wrestlings that emerge in the aftermath of profound loss. They are not signs of weakness—they are signs that you are in the sacred process of transformation.
The Weight of Expectations
Often, the world wants you to “bounce back.” To return to the familiar. To “be yourself again.” But what if that version of yourself is no longer here?
The truth is, grief rewrites your internal narrative. It changes your pace, your priorities, your personality. And yet, many feel the pressure to pretend they are still who they were before. That kind of performance is exhausting—and ultimately unsustainable.
You don’t owe anyone the “old you.” You are allowed to change.
Becoming in the Breaking
The beauty in grief is that while it strips away, it also reveals. It shows you what can’t be shaken. It awakens parts of you that were buried under routine or comfort. It stirs gifts, insight, and empathy you didn’t know were there.
But becoming takes time. It takes silence. It takes grace. It takes letting go of who you thought you’d always be so you can embrace who you’re becoming.
You are not lost. You are in transition.
And though grief may have introduced this transformation, it doesn’t have the final say. You do.
Selah Moment with Dr. Althea Winifred
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