Marrying the right person is often a dream deeply embedded in the hearts of many, but the journey to a fulfilling and God-ordained marriage is not just about finding the one—it’s about becoming the one. Too often, people focus on searching for an ideal spouse while neglecting the process of personal transformation that prepares them for the covenant of marriage.
Becoming the one means embracing the refining work of God in your life. It is a journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth that allows you to cultivate the character, wisdom, and spiritual maturity needed to sustain a meaningful relationship. True preparation for marriage is not just about external readiness but an internal alignment with God’s purpose. This means allowing Him to shape your heart, heal past wounds, and develop the fruits of the Spirit within you.
In becoming the one, you learn to love yourself as God loves you, finding completeness in Him rather than seeking another person to fill a void. Wholeness is not found in a spouse but in Christ, and when you step into a relationship from a place of security in God, you are able to love freely without unhealthy dependencies or unrealistic expectations.
This process also involves self-awareness—understanding your strengths, weaknesses, and the areas where growth is needed. It requires breaking generational cycles, renewing your mind, and unlearning unhealthy patterns that could sabotage a relationship. Becoming the one means developing emotional intelligence, effective communication, and the ability to resolve conflicts with grace and wisdom.
Ultimately, marriage is a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church, and preparing for it means embodying that love in your daily walk. As you focus on becoming the best version of yourself in God, you will not only attract the right person but will also be equipped to build a strong, enduring relationship that glorifies Him. Instead of asking, “Where is the one for me?” the better question is, “Am I becoming the one God has called me to be?” When you prioritize that, everything else will fall into place in His perfect timing.
Becoming the one is not about perfection but about positioning—aligning yourself with God’s will so that when the right person enters your life, you are spiritually, emotionally, and mentally prepared to build something lasting. Too many enter relationships hoping that another person will complete them, when in reality, marriage is not about completion but about two whole individuals coming together to fulfill God’s purpose.
This journey begins with identity. When you know who you are in Christ, you no longer settle for relationships that compromise your worth. Your standards shift from surface-level attraction to kingdom alignment. You no longer seek validation from a partner because you are already secure in the love of God. From this place of security, you attract relationships that reflect His heart rather than relationships driven by loneliness, pressure, or emotional wounds.
Becoming the one also requires healing. Many enter relationships carrying unaddressed trauma, unresolved pain, and emotional baggage from past experiences. Without healing, those wounds will surface in the form of insecurity, fear, mistrust, or unhealthy attachment patterns. True preparation for marriage involves allowing God to heal those broken places, confronting the past, and surrendering it all to Him. A healed heart loves differently—it loves from a place of abundance, not lack.
Maturity is another crucial aspect. Love is not sustained by feelings alone but by commitment, selflessness, and the ability to navigate challenges with wisdom. Emotional and spiritual maturity allow you to handle conflicts with grace, communicate effectively, and extend patience and forgiveness. Marriage is a refining process, and the more you develop character and resilience beforehand, the stronger your foundation will be.
Your waiting season is not a wasted season. It is an opportunity to grow, to develop purpose, and to become the best version of yourself. Instead of passively waiting for marriage, actively pursue God’s calling on your life. Build your relationship with Him, walk in purpose, cultivate meaningful friendships, and embrace personal growth. The one God has for you will not be found in a desperate search but in the place of destiny.
When you focus on becoming the one, you stop worrying about timelines and trust that God will bring the right person in His perfect season. You shift from asking, “When will I meet the right one?” to declaring, “Lord, make me ready.” And when that time comes, you will not just be marrying the one—you will also be the one, prepared and positioned for a love that glorifies God.
Selah Moment
Dr. Althea Winifred
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